When we lived in Washington I was convinced I needed a therapist. I didn’t have any serious life problems or anything (though I HAD just abandoned my life in California and moved two states away for the man I loved) I just liked the idea of having a therapist as a sort of up keep. I wanted someone I could write into my schedule when I needed to mull over the happenings of my life, explaining in the most painful detail what I thought, how I felt, and most times going as far as counseling myself while in the presence of the paid counselor. It was exhausting. Yet I always left feeling refreshed and understood. Or rather, better understanding myself. I suppose it was more of a self discovery type thing and in the end the counselor only lasted a few (and far between) appointments. Over time, I realized I can do the same thing I did with the counselor with this blog. Hence the sparse postings and random tangents.
Lately I have spent a lot of time (and emotional energy) thinking about our family’s future. Where we will be living and the job Jacob will be working is a revolving wheel of change and uncertainty that rattles my brain and my heart. I am a planner. Plain and simple. So trying to plan our next year-or sometimes, our next 6 months- is something I am constantly trying to work and rework. So many questions and not nearly enough answers to go around. Yet when the option of getting out of the military comes up I can feel my breath catch– When your relationship and your family is so heavily built on and formed by the military it makes you wonder if you could survive without it. I know many families leave the military and go on to thrive in the civilian world. But what if we aren’t so lucky? Jake continues to remind me that we have 4 years before that is even something to freak out about, yet I can’t help but to be a little anxious. I can only pray the God will send us where he needs us and continue to bless our family. Whether that be in another state or another country, military or civilian, I know he will take care of us and that is where I can find peace.